I gave him my best supercilious smirk and dismissive wave combo. 'Don’t be a fool. She’s the Mongoose, Alliance Security’s greatest secret operative.'
This was the truth. She was a cop.
'I’ve known for ages,' I added, with a dismissive wave.
This was a lie, by the way; Garron had told me a few hours ago, but I’d be damned if I let Yaka know that. Garron had known since he found her on the Indomitable Prince, though not by any extraordinary insight; someone had taped a sign over her cryo-sleeve...I thought I saw regret cross her face but it didn’t linger.
'Oh fine, you know,' she said, 'it doesn’t matter.'
She told Garron, 'I’m going to count to ten. If you don’t agree to follow my instructions to the letter, Yaka there is going to execute your employee. Do you understand?'
Garron nodded.
'Do you agree to cooperate?'
Garron paused, then shook his head.
Outside in the parking bay, far away, something clattered.
'Investigate!' ordered Yaka, 'Whoever it is, gut them.'
The Mongoose watched the Cossacks go. Incidentally, I’ve no idea what happened to them and I’ve forgotten to ask. I did spot Bob What a Deal sporting a fur coat, so maybe you should ask him. Anyway, the princess, that is, the Mongoose, started counting.
'One.'
I couldn’t believe this was the girl with whom I’d shared so many adventures. We’d talked. We’d smiled. We’d cuddled. She’d beaten me at my own game and that was irritating but okay. I’d been fooled before. But never this completely. Garron was a rank amateur compared to her, and I was a rank amateur compared to him. She was the complete and utter deal. The perfect con. I’d gazed into her eyes and utterly believed she was who she claimed.
'Two.'
Imagine! The perfect con was a rhino!
But that wasn’t the worst of it. She’d put me in my place, made me look at myself and there, looking back, were all those people I'd lied to and cheated.
'Three!'
Damn her!
'Oh, don’t look so indignant, Unstoffe. With the Graff dead Garron was next on my check-list. I can’t begin to imagine how two inept, two-bit hustlers such as yourselves managed it but you’ve earned quite a reputation. Alliance Security will be well pleased; I might even get a promotion for this. “Captain The Mongoose.” I like it!'
God help me, she was adorable.
'Four.'
'Why do you persist on making this arrest?' Yaka wanted to know. 'After the fat one gives us the registry we need only install it, persuade that Doctor to effect repairs and then, with this mighty ship at my command, I will retake Levithia in the name of the Vynda dynasty and make you my Queen!'
'Five, six. I’m arresting them because it's my job, you imperialist oaf! What makes you think I want to marry you, anyway? Honestly, I can’t stand you. The thought of marrying you.'
'Your words were lies?'
Oh, brother. 'Excuse me? I hate to interrupt this lover’s spat...'
'Unstoffe, don’t call us that. I have never, ever...'
'There is no need to tell him that!'
Considerably cheered, I continued. 'As I was trying to say, aren’t you both forgetting something? Something rather important to the success of your plans and your career?'
'Seven!'
'We forgot to gag you, I’ll own.'
'No, you lugs. My goodness, it’s so obvious.'
'Eight, nine. What? What’s so obvious?'
'We warped.'
Yaka stared at me blankly, but comprehension and something else, relief or hope, dawned on the princess’s face. I could actually see all her doubt drop away and her loyalties shift.
I continued, speaking seriously but laughing inside. 'We could be anywhere in time and space. There is no Cyrrhenic Alliance Security. There is no Levithian Throne. Don’t you see? It’s all gone or it hasn't happened yet.'
I looked right into the princess’s eyes and tied the knot. 'All we have is each other.'
Yaka roared and struck my jaw with the blaster. I fell hard and the former Mongoose knelt and cradled my head.
'I’m so sorry.' She smoothed my hair. 'I convinced Yaka the best way to find the surface was to follow the Doctor. I wanted to arrest you, he wanted to take command of Rallax. We faked that bit below the palace, knew you’d survive. Didn’t expect you to take so long to figure it out, though. Sure as hell didn’t expect you to blow yourself up. That was very gallant.'
Well, who was I to contradict her? Especially as she was kissing me? On, might I add, the lips?
'How did he escape the Cossacks?' I asked, more weakly than I actually felt.
'Shhh. I just added a line to their command list so he could convince them that finding the exit was in the country’s best interests. He followed Spidrick and Garron up through the levels, contacted me here. You know the rest.' She frowned. 'Somehow.'
I gazed at her, as soulfully as I could. 'Are you... still going to arrest us?'
'No. I’m through being an agent. It wasn’t about the law anyway. It was about tricking people and collecting bounties. Truth be told, I’ve been making a fortune on the side.'
'I can appreciate that. So, what about Chuckles, there?'
She gazed at him, her eyes cold and steely, and didn’t say a word. Didn’t have to.
Yaka saw how it was. He sneered. 'It is of no matter! I shall forge my own empire! And I shall possess dozens of queens!'
He turned to Garron and kicked him. 'I count ten, bald one. Open your tesseract.'
Garron nodded, snapped his fingers and the shimmer appeared.
Yaka leered in anticipation. 'I shall regret killing you, Mongoose, false though you be. As for you two, I intend...'
Well, I guessed his intention and didn’t mind not hearing it.
The reason I didn’t hear it was because just then the registry, all solid memory plastic, burst out and smashed his face. It flew with such force it literally knocked him off his feet. His blaster skidded toward the princess and she grabbed it. 'Don’t move a muscle, Dan Dravot.'
I appreciated her literary reference, but Yaka merely goggled.
'But... but how...'
She smiled brightly at me. 'Talking counts as moving, wouldn’t you agree?'
I nodded and she shot him. 'Still,' she said, 'It’s not a bad question to ask.'
'Worse, I think, to furnish the answer,' said a familiar Draconian voice.
The chief, neatly bisected by the faint shimmer above Garron’s chest, looked a bit queasy. 'That was quite a throw,' I said as we pulled him out.
'Did I kill him?'
'No.'
'Did she?'
'No, he’s still breathing. Anyone else in there?'
'Yes, the ones called Spidrick and Doctor.'
'Good grief, Garron.'
With the chief’s help we extricated Spidrick and the Doctor. Garron gestured and the shimmer shrunk to a point and vanished.
'Well, as devious plans go, that was a dozy,' said the Doctor. 'Still, though,' he said, as I removed Garron’s gag, 'I’m still not sure why all three of us had to be in there.'
Garron smiled innocently from the floor. 'Always have a plan “B”, Doctor.'
'Hmm. Maybe I should leave you tied up.'
'Oh, very droll. Perhaps–'
Another echoing crash came from outside. The Doctor took a reading, frowned mightily at the result and said, 'Oh, that’s not good. That’s so not good!'
He grabbed the ship’s registry. 'We can’t wait until morning.'
'What’s the matter, Doctor?' I asked, dreading and suspecting the answer.
'The gravity cascade. It’s starting now! If we warp again Rallax is finished!'
'What do we do?'
'Oh, I don’t know! Die? No! I have to get the ship online!'
He dashed out, carrying the registry. Rooted to the spot, we watched him go.
Now what? I untied Garron in silence and hauled him to his feet.
'What do we do?' I asked.
The princess cleared her throat and said, 'We are in a spaceship.'
Garron grinned. 'Oh, you are lovely.'
'Are you both mad?' I cried, 'We can’t leave all those people to die!'
Oh, wait. What was I saying?
'I mean... can we?'
'I, for one, am willing to run the risk of subsequent, crippling guilt if I am alive to enjoy it,' said Garron, 'Who’s with me? Chief?'
'Oh, friend, where is your honour? Did you not listen to my songs? I go to help the Doctor.'
'I had no choice,' said Garron as the chief mournfully turned and followed the Doctor.
Garron shook his head. 'What about you, Spidrick? An honourable death?'
'I don’t know...'
'I’ll come back to you, then. What about you two?'
The princess was looking up at me, measuring me with her eyes. The deck shuddered as a minor ship quake rumbled below but her gaze didn’t waver. With mild astonishment I realized she would do whatever I decided. We could escape and live. That was a certainty. But could we be happy together, could we bear ourselves, wondering if staying here could have made a difference?
On the other hand, if we tried to help the Doctor we faced a path fraught with uncertainty. Maybe we could help, though I couldn’t see how. The millions might be saved, but looking down at her, I didn’t think it was worth the risk.
She might die, and she was worth more than all the others.
'Boy? We have to go.' said Spidrick.
A weak voice drifted from the floor. Yaka. 'Listen to the fat one. He alone of you speaks wisdom.'
'Don’t agree with me!' said Garron.
'But I do... one’s own life is one’s only true duty...'
Another quake, stronger this time, rattled the deck. Somewhere metal twisted and moaned.
'Princess,' I said, 'Hand me that blaster, please.'
Wordlessly but with a glance at Yaka, she complied. I checked the setting, made an adjustment.
'You need to shut up,' I told Yaka.
Then I shot the Princess. I caught her before she hit the deck.
'Garron,' I said, 'you and Spidrick get this ship moving. Get her away from here.' I placed the princess on a lounger, kissed her forehead and moved to the hatch.
'Good-bye, Garron. Try not to miss me,' I said as I clanked down the ramp.
I’d taken twenty laborious steps from the ship when I heard Garron call my name. He had Yaka by the scruff of his neck and was dragging the weakly struggling soldier down the ramp.
'Well, come on, then! Don’t just stand there! I’m too old to carry him myself!'
'Garron!'
'There, that service cart. Hurry, now!'
'But Garron...'
'Don’t worry. See, Spidrick’s got the ship in the air already. She’ll be fine.'
'That’s wonderful! But Garron...'
'Boy, if my plan works we will never, ever speak of it again. I have a reputation to think of. Do you understand me? Never again!'
I looked at his crafty, dear old face and said the first thing that popped in my mind.
'I love you, Garron.'
'Shut up, son.'
The Doctor, surrounded by a small army of Bobs, wailed, 'No!' as we entered the Auxiliary Control Room. Not because we’d arrived, mind. It was because he was sure he was about to die. That crash we’d heard earlier was was a girder blocking the tow beam controls; without the tow beam he couldn’t retrieve the Tardis, and without the Tardis he couldn’t break the Registry’s encryption, and without a working registry the ship was about to warp again, almost certainly tearing itself to pieces.
The chief saw us and shook the Doctor’s shoulder. He looked at us quizzically, frowning at Yaka on the cart. The Bobs parted as we joined them.
'Are you mad? Why are you here? This place is going to warp any second and she won’t survive the trip!' said the Doctor.
'Well then, Doctor,' said Garron, 'you’d be advised to initialize the registry, wouldn’t you?'
'Don’t you think I’ve been trying? Without the Tardis I can’t communicate with it!'
'Well, you’d better ask the owner to do it, shouldn’t you?'
The Doctor stared at Yaka. 'What do you mean?' he said to Garron.
'I mean Crewman Colepit, Doctor.'
Four deep, resounding knocks echoed through the room. The Doctor gibbered for a second but regained control.
'C’mon, Garron! This is no time to be cryptic!'
'Fine. Spidrick told me. This man isn’t who he thinks he is. Standard Levithian practice. Clone your offspring, then have a relative raise them as their own. If the original dies, transfer his memory.'
'Even if that’s true...'
'I studied the ship’s log on the Indomitable Prince, Doctor. She spent three weeks on Aye Aye before she travelled to Ribos. You know what they do on Aye Aye, don’t you?'
I yelled, 'Do you Bobs have image alteration software?' Some of them did. I hauled Yaka to a sitting position. 'Scan this man’s face! Remove his beard, trim his moustache and cut his hair. Oh, and ignore the broken nose. Extrapolate!'
Within seconds the awed chorus arose.
'The Graff Vynda-K!'
The Doctor grinned at Garron. Yaka looked puzzled for a moment, then his jaw dropped.
Garron beamed. 'I wasn’t sure what he’d been doing on Aye Aye until Spidrick –he was his secret minder, hired by the family –told me the story just minutes ago.'
I pulled Yaka to his feet and with the chief’s help got him to the registry plinth. 'Put your hand right there, Graff, and say initialize.'
'And what if I refuse?'
The warp siren sounded. The Doctor looked around, his eyes wide.
'Well, we all die. But you... well, see the Bobs?'
The Bobs had massed tightly around us, every pair of eyes on Yaka. Suddenly there was nothing comic about their bland faces. They exuded menace, and I’m glad they weren’t looking at me that way.
'If you don’t help us,' said the Doctor, 'we give you to them first.'
Yaka gulped.
'Besides,' said Garron, 'who was it who said, “one’s own life is one’s only true duty” ?'
Another rumble passed below, the worst one yet. Sparks exploded from a nearby console. Just do it, I thought, sizing up the exit.
Yaka knew he was beaten. He nodded, placed his hand on the plinth and said, “Initialize” The control room lit up and systems hummed to life around us. The Doctor sprang to action. I couldn’t begin to tell you what he did; he was a dazzling blur as he raced from console to console. But the vibrations subsided, the alarm was silenced and finally he looked satisfied. He wiped his forehead and grinned weakly.
Wordlessly but with a glance at Yaka, she complied. I checked the setting, made an adjustment.
'You need to shut up,' I told Yaka.
Then I shot the Princess. I caught her before she hit the deck.
'Garron,' I said, 'you and Spidrick get this ship moving. Get her away from here.' I placed the princess on a lounger, kissed her forehead and moved to the hatch.
'Good-bye, Garron. Try not to miss me,' I said as I clanked down the ramp.
I’d taken twenty laborious steps from the ship when I heard Garron call my name. He had Yaka by the scruff of his neck and was dragging the weakly struggling soldier down the ramp.
'Well, come on, then! Don’t just stand there! I’m too old to carry him myself!'
'Garron!'
'There, that service cart. Hurry, now!'
'But Garron...'
'Don’t worry. See, Spidrick’s got the ship in the air already. She’ll be fine.'
'That’s wonderful! But Garron...'
'Boy, if my plan works we will never, ever speak of it again. I have a reputation to think of. Do you understand me? Never again!'
I looked at his crafty, dear old face and said the first thing that popped in my mind.
'I love you, Garron.'
'Shut up, son.'
The Doctor, surrounded by a small army of Bobs, wailed, 'No!' as we entered the Auxiliary Control Room. Not because we’d arrived, mind. It was because he was sure he was about to die. That crash we’d heard earlier was was a girder blocking the tow beam controls; without the tow beam he couldn’t retrieve the Tardis, and without the Tardis he couldn’t break the Registry’s encryption, and without a working registry the ship was about to warp again, almost certainly tearing itself to pieces.
The chief saw us and shook the Doctor’s shoulder. He looked at us quizzically, frowning at Yaka on the cart. The Bobs parted as we joined them.
'Are you mad? Why are you here? This place is going to warp any second and she won’t survive the trip!' said the Doctor.
'Well then, Doctor,' said Garron, 'you’d be advised to initialize the registry, wouldn’t you?'
'Don’t you think I’ve been trying? Without the Tardis I can’t communicate with it!'
'Well, you’d better ask the owner to do it, shouldn’t you?'
The Doctor stared at Yaka. 'What do you mean?' he said to Garron.
'I mean Crewman Colepit, Doctor.'
Four deep, resounding knocks echoed through the room. The Doctor gibbered for a second but regained control.
'C’mon, Garron! This is no time to be cryptic!'
'Fine. Spidrick told me. This man isn’t who he thinks he is. Standard Levithian practice. Clone your offspring, then have a relative raise them as their own. If the original dies, transfer his memory.'
'Even if that’s true...'
'I studied the ship’s log on the Indomitable Prince, Doctor. She spent three weeks on Aye Aye before she travelled to Ribos. You know what they do on Aye Aye, don’t you?'
I yelled, 'Do you Bobs have image alteration software?' Some of them did. I hauled Yaka to a sitting position. 'Scan this man’s face! Remove his beard, trim his moustache and cut his hair. Oh, and ignore the broken nose. Extrapolate!'
Within seconds the awed chorus arose.
'The Graff Vynda-K!'
The Doctor grinned at Garron. Yaka looked puzzled for a moment, then his jaw dropped.
Garron beamed. 'I wasn’t sure what he’d been doing on Aye Aye until Spidrick –he was his secret minder, hired by the family –told me the story just minutes ago.'
I pulled Yaka to his feet and with the chief’s help got him to the registry plinth. 'Put your hand right there, Graff, and say initialize.'
'And what if I refuse?'
The warp siren sounded. The Doctor looked around, his eyes wide.
'Well, we all die. But you... well, see the Bobs?'
The Bobs had massed tightly around us, every pair of eyes on Yaka. Suddenly there was nothing comic about their bland faces. They exuded menace, and I’m glad they weren’t looking at me that way.
'If you don’t help us,' said the Doctor, 'we give you to them first.'
Yaka gulped.
'Besides,' said Garron, 'who was it who said, “one’s own life is one’s only true duty” ?'
Another rumble passed below, the worst one yet. Sparks exploded from a nearby console. Just do it, I thought, sizing up the exit.
Yaka knew he was beaten. He nodded, placed his hand on the plinth and said, “Initialize” The control room lit up and systems hummed to life around us. The Doctor sprang to action. I couldn’t begin to tell you what he did; he was a dazzling blur as he raced from console to console. But the vibrations subsided, the alarm was silenced and finally he looked satisfied. He wiped his forehead and grinned weakly.